El Cojo Adventure

May 7, 2008

I went to the bar a while ago to meet my best friend for a few drinks. I figured that I would avoid the usual crowd of straight men who just love to buy me drinks by going to an alternative lifestyle bar in el cojo. My friend did not show up, he was out with someone else, a girl that he had just met that night. Which I completely understand. You see I don't live that rule "bro's before ho's." In my case "friend before ho's". You see, I encourage my friends to get as much as they can, and if that means standing me up at a bar, this is the way it is meant to be. I usually manage to have a fun night despite these little hiccups.

I met a lot of people there. A lot of girls, one of which was there by herself too. She was really friendly, but I was not looking for anything but to have a good time this night. We had a lot of drinks and I had managed to make my way around the small bar, talking to everyone. It was a really good relaxing time, no stress, no expectations no disappointment.

Then there was her. An older woman, probably in her fifties, looking for something a little more than a friendly drink. She interpreted my friendliness as a come-on and dove at the opportunity. She was with her best friend, an incredibly good looking gay man that probably was prettier than she was. What was I to do?

As she handed me a new drink and told me about herself I imagined her getting ready for the night, hoping that she would find a girl to make her life complete. She probably put on her best shirt, which was her most ironed flannel, and her best dockers suit pants. She would then ask her friend, the Ricky Martin look alike, if she looked appetizing to lure in her dream woman or anything for that matter. He would in turn give her some sort of encouraging words like "don't worry it will happen."

As she steps out of her house boat to drive 2 hours to get this popular lesbian bar, she notices the boondoggle key chain that her ex girlfriend made for her eight years ago. The pain of the break-up struck her heart again and her eyes began to water a little. How much she wanted to just give up and live the rest of her life alone with her three cats was not enough to keep her hoping that someday she would find someone that would heal her broken heart. She hesitated for a second before she started the ignition of her Ford Truck. Her best friend Mario patted her back and told her that that it would be good for her to get out, not to just meet someone, but to have a good time. All Carmen heard was 'meet someone' with her 'selective hearing', which was one of the reasons she was single now.

I could see the tremble in Carmen's drunk hand as she made cheers with me. This woman was nervous around me, the only girl in the bar that she seemed interested in, probably because I was the only one that listened to her rambling. As the more drunk and drunk she became the more friendly she was and my decency was wearing thin. I merely talked to the woman once, let her buy me a drink. She followed me to the pool tables and sat down, patiently waiting for me to finish each turn so she could talk to me more. I didn't want to crush her, and I could tell that she was interested. My compassion for her outweighed my annoyance. If only she knew that I could not mend her broken heart, that I can't fix her, I am unable to be 'that' person.

I know she may have envisioned us on her boat together with 2.5 cats. I could tell by the way she smiled at me that she hadn't realized that I was treating her the same way as the other 4 girls hanging around me, which was as friends playing pool and drinking. How do you completely tare someone away from their fantasy?

I am too nice........ but I am good at putting myself in another person's shoes.

My best friend finally came around at about midnight to share his girl story and drink. He sat down next to Carmen and presented himself as my best friend. It didn't take her long to ask him if he thought that I was interested in her the same way in which she was interested in me. My best friend has no tact and no compassion. He shot her down from cloud 9 back to reality "No she would never be interested in you." At this moment Carmen picked herself up, grabbed her gay friend Mario and walked out of the bar, leaving nothing but a business card and a "It was good talking to you, I hope to see you again" (She was fishing for any kind of sign that perhaps my friend was wrong).

I am sad that my friend was so swift with the rejection and that she was so haste in her departure. I was too afraid to make her feel less adequate then she had felt before stepping into the bar. I could see her low self esteem and the alcohol mixed with that which is very destructive. I did my part, there is a difference between friendly and flirty, but the faint in heart cannot see. It is unfortunate that she has not found a life partner. My advice is to learn to love yourself before you can love another.