Addicted To Love

Last night I couldn't sleep...

This isn't entirely abnormal for me, in addition the cramps ripping apart my uterus from within reminding me that it shall be hours before I fall asleep. I am a night person, ever since I started working the graveyard shift in the Emergency Room.

I did what any night person does... Play farmville, chat online with friends and watch late night television.

I watched a clip from Opera first. The episode was about women who were 'addicted to love.'

'Love addiction?' I asked myself and put the remote down. Usually Opera's talk show bored me, it used to be good ten years ago, but lately I haven't been able to sit through ten minutes of one of her shows. No wonder this next season would be her last...

I listened in some more about 'love addiction', there were four women sitting in a semi circle with Oprah at the end.

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"I just remember being so depressed waiting by the phone," one beautiful blond woman told Opera, "he never called, and every minute I was left alone without him felt like torture."

"So, did you ever call him?" Opera asked looking at the blond woman and then at the camera.

"Yes, once or twice," the woman responded, "I tried not to call too much because I didn't want to appear desperate, and besides we had just broken up, I am sure he just needed space."

"And did he answer?" Opera crossed her legs.

"No, I had to leave a message both times," the blond woman answered, "even after calling him, I thought about calling him again, I was obsessed, constantly wondering what he was doing, where he was, who he was with and if he thought about me."

"You say you were obsessed?" Opera points out.

"Yes, I went to see a Psychologist for it," the woman smiles, "and the psychologist said that I had an addiction, a love addiction."

"Here we have a psychologist, Dr. Sandra Collins, with us," Opera introduces the other woman sitting next to the love addicted blond woman. The audience claps.

"Thanks for inviting me Opera," Dr. Collins smiles, the clapping dies down.

"Now, we have all been through heartbreak," Opera says matter-of-factly, "I know I have, the constant thinking and wondering..'what is he up to, does he feel the same way....etc'. Now when is that considered to be a love 'addiction.'"

"Well, Opera. A small degree of heartbreak is natural for anyone," the Dr. in Psychology adjusts her glasses frame, "but when you take it so far that you find no relief in diversionary activities, reading, being with friends and it supersedes your self worth to the point where you lay all the stock you have in yourself on your partner, husband or ex, then it becomes a love addiction. Also might I add, when you constantly obsessing about that one other person, more and for a longer period of time then normal."

"You say normal," Opera points out, "now what is considered normal?"

"Well, it varies from person to person." Dr. Sandra Collins looks at Opera, "it might take days, months and years to get over someone who was significant in your life, someone you love."

"Might I add something," the blond woman interrupted and put one finger up, "when I was going through this grieving process, feeling that sense of loss where I came to realize, 'yes, he did dump me and it is over,' I got to a point where I didn't get out of bed, stopped showering daily, showing up late to work, not being able to sleep at night, he was just constantly on my mind, I was consumed. I literally waited by the phone all day for a phone call from him."

"Now, that is a perfect example of a maladaptive way of dealing with this love addiction," the Dr. in Psychology pointed out, "other ways is going out on several dates, desperately trying to fill that void with another person, some people start kissing and sleeping around with the first available date that comes around."

"So it is kind of like a drug addict looking for a fix?" Opera straightened her shirt and sat up straighter in the chair.

"Exactly!" Dr. Collins says in a loud voice, "these women's self worth is measured by feeling they are loved and wanted by another person, they are addicted in a sense."

"So how does a woman break free from this love addiction?" Opera asks the Dr. in Psychology.

"She needs to learn to love herself, bottom line," Dr. Collins said and lifted up her book, "I wrote this book called 'The Reversal Agent to Love Addiction: A Guide to Loving Yourself'."

"Yes, I have read it myself and find some interesting points," Opera holds up the book, "so I am giving a copy to everyone in the audience today."

Everyone in the Audience cheered.

(it was late at night when i watched this so it may not be exactly the way I saw it)

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So there I was sitting on my couch thinking about 'love addiction.'

I would be lying if I said I have never been there. I have been through some rough breakups. One of the worst was in Puerto Rico where I was living with my girlfriend. She broke up with me and I was left alone. I was shattered and dealt with it in a very maladaptive way for almost a year straight.

I have to admit, I went out with several girls and even dated a guy, which is so unlike me. I needed someone to fill the emptiness that consumed me. On top of that I made every excuse I could to talk to my ex or see her. She was constantly on my mind, I was obsessed with the idea of 'winning her back.'

It never happened. But after a year, I got over it and made friends. Developed self esteem and self confidence. I did not need her or anyone to make me feel whole.

I started to love myself and it has cured me of this love addiction.

I have been through two break ups since then and have felt the same way, love for myself superseding feelings of loss.

I am okay, I am fine, I am lovable, and I am good.

Of course, I still have that desire to find someone to be with and hopefully make a life with, have that fairytale ending I so desire. But I don't put this desire above my self worth.

I believe in order to truly love someone else, you must first love yourself.

If you truly love yourself, you have respect for yourself. You don't allow yourself to become loose, going out with just anybody with a pulse, 98.7 degrees whose heart beats and lungs breath air who will keep you warm at night.

When you love and respect yourself you know what you deserve. You wait for the best and you do not settle for less.

You are not a one night stand when you love and respect yourself.